Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
