How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
