i barfeds in our rink
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I lost the right to judge tonight
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
