How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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