sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
