WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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