If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
