No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
