I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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