Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
