Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
