i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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