obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
