Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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