Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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