u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
