u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
