and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
