i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
