i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
