Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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