Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Farmville is her only friend.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
