i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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