My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
