My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
