I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
