how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Sober January is a disaster.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Randomize
