Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
