Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
