sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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