yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
