Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
