oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
