They should really pass out barf bags in church
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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