we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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