Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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