Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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