And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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