you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
