I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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