Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You need Xanax blowdarts
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
