Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
