just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
