The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You can't just leave with hair like that
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
