Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
