I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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