he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
