i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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