My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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