So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
