i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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