how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
