i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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