I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
