she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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